NLP Isn't What You Think It Is (And Why That Matters for Real Change)

Karren Kerrisk Author

Think NLP is just hypnosis or manipulation? Here's what it actually is, and why understanding this changes everything about personal growth.

Let's clear this up once and for all.

You've probably heard of NLP. Maybe someone tried to sell you something using "NLP techniques." Maybe you saw a social media guru promising you can "rewire your brain in 10 minutes." Or maybe you're just wondering if this is legitimate psychology or another self-help fad.

Here's the straight answer: NLP is legitimate. It's also widely misunderstood and frequently misused.

If you're skeptical, good. Stay that way while you read this. I'm not here to convince you of anything magical. I'm here to show you what neuro linguistic programming actually is, how it works, and why understanding the real thing - not the internet version - might be exactly what you've been looking for.


What NLP Actually Is

Let's start with the origin story, because it matters.

In the early 1970s at UC Santa Cruz, Linguist Professor John Grinder and mathematician Richard Bandler got curious about a specific question: Why do some therapists get exceptional results while others, supposedly using the same methods, get mediocre outcomes?

They didn't theorise. They observed.

They studied three master therapists; Fritz Perls, Virginia Satir, and Milton Erickson and meticulously modeled what these practitioners actually did differently. Not what they said they did. What they actually did. The specific language patterns. The subtle behavioural cues. The precise structure of their questions and interventions.

What emerged was a methodology for modeling human excellence and understanding how we create our subjective experience.

That's NLP: the study of how you create your reality through the interaction of your neurology, language, and habitual patterns.

Breaking Down the Three Pillars

Neurology = How your brain and nervous system process information. Every second, your brain filters millions of bits of sensory data. How you filter, code and store that information determines your entire experience of any situation.

Language = How you describe your experience to yourself and others. The words aren't neutral labels. They actively shape what you think, feel, and do. "I'm terrible at this" creates a completely different neural response than "I haven't figured this out yet."

Programming = The automatic patterns running in the background. Like software code, these patterns determine your default responses. How you react to criticism. How confident you feel in new situations. What you do when you're stressed.

NLP gives you the tools to examine these patterns and consciously change the ones that aren't serving you.

What NLP Is NOT

The misconceptions are everywhere, so let's handle them directly.

• It's Not Hypnosis
  Some NLP techniques use trance states. Most don't. You're fully conscious and in control during the vast majority of NLP work. No one's swinging a pocket watch.
  
  
• It's Not Manipulation
  This is like saying psychology is manipulation. Can unethical people misuse NLP? Absolutely. Can they also misuse persuasion, active listening, or basic sales techniques? Yes. The tools are neutral. Ethics come from the person using them.
  
  
• It's Not Magic
  NLP came from observation, not mystical insight. Grinder and Bandler watched what worked, identified specific patterns and taught others to replicate those patterns. It's applied behavioural psychology, not sorcery.
  
  
• It's Not a Quick Fix (But It Is Fast)
  Here's where people get confused. NLP can produce remarkably fast results, sometimes in a single session. But that doesn't mean no effort required. You're learning new skills. Skills need practice. The speed comes from working directly with how your brain codes experience, not from magic.

Classic Code NLP vs. New Code NLP (This Is Important)

Most people don't know there are two distinct approaches within NLP. Understanding the difference matters, especially if you're dealing with anything sensitive.

Classic code NLP is content-focused. The practitioner needs the story (content). What happened, when it happened, who was involved, all the details. This can be highly effective, but it requires you to discuss and sometimes relive difficult experiences.

New code NLP, developed by Grinder and Judith DeLozier, is content-free. I don't need to know what happened. I only need to know the structure. How your mind has organised the experience and where the pattern can be interrupted.

Here's why this matters in real terms:

Let's say you experienced trauma. In Classic code NLP, we'd need to talk through the traumatic event so we can work with it. In New code NLP, you never have to tell me what happened. We work with the pattern itself - how your neurology has coded the experience, without touching the content.

You maintain complete privacy while still getting the change.

At Mind Skills Mastery, I'm certified in both Classic and New Code NLP. For sensitive work, I default to content-free approaches. You don't need to relive anything. We just need to find the pattern and change it.

What NLP Is Actually Used For

Forget the sales stereotypes. Here's what ethical NLP practitioners actually do:

Eliminating phobias and anxieties. Techniques like the Fast Phobia Pattern change how your brain codes frightening memories. Instead of experiencing the memory as happening now, your mind learns to perceive it as a past event that no longer threatens you.

Improving communication. When you understand that people process information differently. Some through visual imagery, others through sounds or physical sensations. You can communicate in ways that actually land instead of talking past each other.

Breaking unwanted habits. Nail-biting, emotional eating, procrastination - these patterns have triggers and payoffs. NLP helps you identify them, interrupt the pattern at the neurological level, and install something more useful.

Building genuine confidence. Most confidence issues stem from how you internally represent situations. Change those internal representations - the images, sounds, feelings you create, and you change your emotional response and behaviour.

Enhancing performance. Athletes, speakers, creatives, leaders use NLP for mental rehearsal and accessing optimal states. When you understand how peak performers prepare internally, you can replicate their strategies.

The Science That Backs It Up

If you want evidence, here it is:

• Neuroplasticity. Your brain rewires itself based on experience and mental rehearsal. This isn't theory. It's established neuroscience. The patterns you've learned can be unlearned. New patterns can be installed.
  
  
• Pattern interruption. Your brain creates shortcuts: automatic responses to save energy. NLP identifies these patterns and deliberately interrupts them. That's not mystical. That's how habit change works at the neurological level.
  
  
• Language shapes thought. Linguistic research confirms that language doesn't just express thoughts: it creates them. Your internal dialogue builds neural pathways that drive emotions and behaviours. Change the language pattern, change the pathway.
  
  
• Mental rehearsal. Sports psychology research shows that vividly imagining an action activates similar neural pathways as physically performing it. Your brain rehearses the pattern, strengthening the connections. This is why Olympic athletes use visualisation as part of their training protocol.

How to Spot Ethical NLP Practice

Not everyone using NLP does so ethically. Here's how to tell the difference:

Red Flags

• Pressure to decide quickly or "this offer expires tonight"
• Vague explanations or refusing to tell you what they're doing
• Guaranteeing specific outcomes without acknowledging individual differences
• Creating dependency instead of teaching you to use the tools yourself

Green Flags

• Explaining techniques clearly and getting your informed consent
• Checking in and respecting your boundaries
• Teaching you the tools so you can use them independently
• Having an understanding of the ecology or impact of any change work
• Being honest about what's realistic and what requires ongoing practice

My approach is simple: education plus practice equals lasting change. I teach you how your mind works and give you the tools to direct it consciously. The power isn't in me doing something to you. It's in you understanding and mastering your own neurology.

Here's What Actually Matters

NLP is a toolbox. Not a magic wand.

Used ethically, it's one of the fastest paths to change because it works directly with how your brain codes experience. Instead of talking about problems for years, you identify the patterns creating those problems and change them structurally.

But the techniques only work when you understand what you're doing and why. NLP isn't about tricks or bypassing awareness. It's about gaining conscious awareness of unconscious processes so you can make intentional changes.

The practitioners getting real results aren't using NLP as manipulation tactics. They're the ones who understand the underlying principles, who've developed skill through practice, and who use these tools with integrity.

That's the version worth learning. That's the version that creates transformation.

Let's Put This Into Practice

Want to see how this actually works? Join my free webinar, "Everyday Mind Shifts," where I demonstrate practical NLP techniques you can start using immediately.

No pitch. No pressure. Just real tools for real change.

Because once you understand how your mind actually works, you stop being at the mercy of automatic patterns. You start consciously creating the responses you want.

Register for the free webinar 

I see, hear, and feel you. I know what it's like to be skeptical of personal development claims. I also know what's possible when you have the right tools and understand how to use them.

References & Further Reading
Foundational NLP Texts:
Bandler, R., & Grinder, J. (1975). The Structure of Magic I: A Book About Language and Therapy. Science and Behavior Books.
Dilts, R., Grinder, J., Bandler, R., & DeLozier, J. (1980). Neuro-Linguistic Programming: Volume I. Meta Publications.
Grinder, J., & DeLozier, J. (1987). Turtles All the Way Down: Prerequisites to Personal Genius. Grinder & Associates.

Neuroscience Research: 
Doidge, N. (2007). The Brain That Changes Itself. Penguin Books.
Pascual-Leone, A., et al. (2005). "The plastic human brain cortex." Annual Review of Neuroscience, 28, 377-401.

Mental Rehearsal Research:
Feltz, D. L., & Landers, D. M. (1983). "The effects of mental practice on motor skill learning and performance." Journal of Sport Psychology, 5(1), 25-57.

Language and Cognition:
Boroditsky, L. (2011). "How language shapes thought." Scientific American, 304(2), 62-65.

Categories: : NLP